anywhere, say anywhere, as long as I'm with you

Truly, my life has become so much more hectic than it was 10 days ago.. I have gone out for probably 7 of those nights, and yes, I think I've completely fucked my liver. Currently chilling at a good friend's house, and while she's gone for a run (I'm way too lazy, plus she just ate half the leftovers from Chrissy), I'm trying to brainstorm the easiest way of paying my phone bill. And yeah, I'm very tempted to apply for a loan from my bank. But that's probably the worst idea I've had, like, ever. The minimum you can borrow is $2000, and knowing me, although I only need 400 of that, I'll spend the rest on SHIT that I don't even need. But I need my phone to be usable again. I've gone without it for more than a month now, and it's hell. I don't even think I'll be able to remember how to use it once it gets put back on..

Called Mam before, and told her that I was sorry for not talking to her for ages (since Saturday night, and it's now Monday.. it's not even that long), and she goes..
"B, you left the house on Saturday evening in a sequined dress, and I haven't seen you since." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Not sure why, but I found that extremely funny!

Also, I'm finally losing my last baby tooth. Yes, I'm 18. But shit this is like the end of my childhood, finally!

Craving going for a swim. We actually know someone with a pool. Not going to invite myself over though, that's a wee bit embarrassing and gay.. I don't think he'd appreciate it hahahah.

I love having this type of chilled and spontaneous life, it's actually so good! Besides not really having any clothes with me; I've had to borrow C's clothes yesterday and today hahah. Me and C had a bubble bath in her swimming pool sized in-ground 70's style bath last night. It was so good! We were both absolutely dead after getting home at almost 7am that morning, and sleeping for 3 hours, waking up still completely off our trolley. So this completely lezo (joking) experience definately made everything very much better hahahha.

Quite possibly might invite myself over to this boy's pool. SO TEMPTING!!!!!!

fear of sleep??????

Okay, I am attempting to be soothed to sleep by the smooth tones of Julian Casablancas. So far, I'm listening to 'Trying Your Luck' (The Strokes of course). It's lovely. Mmm, I think he may in fact be, the love of my life. Except for Ben. My gay waiter. Damn.

Incidentally, The Strokes have a song called 'Fear of Sleep'. Ironic.

It's a bit embarrassing really, this pathetic fear of.. well, sleep. Ok, SO I'm not exactly scared of sleeping as such, just I hate missing out on life. And I find it hard to actually drop off; everything is racing through my head, and to put it so eloquently as a facebook group I stumbled across the other day (don't laugh), 'I can't get to sleep because my mind is having a conversation with itself'. And so here I sit, on my single bed at dad's house, naked under an almost painfully colourful beach towel (the only one I could find in the bathroom after my shower), typing this onto, no, not my laptop, but my iPod touch notes app. And this is because I am unfortunately very good at forgetting important things. Well it's not important as such, but I am finding life (well the three days I'm spending down at father's) quite painful.

Not to mention the excruciating cramps I'm experiencing at this very moment. Pleasant I know. But until you have lived through one of my monthly cycles, you will not know the meaning of pain.

Another one of my great skills is harping on about nothing at all for an uncomfortable amount of time, and just generally bitching about my life. Which by the way is actually not that bad.

?????

After absolutely no thought given to this whatsoever, I have decided to go to Uni next year, even though I've had my mind made up NOT to keep studying after finishing school. At least until the year after next anyway. I am literally so bored with my life, and I had an interesting conversation with my Uncle this morning - I realised that I'd prefer to be studying rather than not doing anything. That is literally how boring my life has become. Plus I have no shifts at the moment anyway, which means no money. So study = less boredom, lots lots lots to do! Excellent. This is what I need. To keep occupied.

cry your heartbeat

Awesome, on my 4th coffee in about an hour..
Having great doubts about the general direction my life is going.
Very very very wired. Ugh.
Found a nice flower hair-clip though.

draco, will you be mine?

Ps:
OH MY LORD

be running up that hill..

If I only could..
Well here I lie, in my despondency, wishing that I could find that Julian Casablancas song SOMEWHERE, to download for free. Why is it that when you want something, it usually doesn't happen the way you expect? So I have learnt to expect nothing, so that I'm not disappointed. Although to be honest, I get disappointed anyway.

But sometimes, when you're waiting for something that you actually want, something else comes along that looks quite exciting, and probably just as good. By that I mean I found a cover of Kate Bush's 'Wuthering Heights', and it said it was by Fleet Foxes, but it's actually by someone called.. wait for it.. CUBAN CIGAR CRISIS. Yep, you can tell already it's complete bollocks. So, when you're waiting for something good, and something else comes along, it's not equally exciting, its actually just shit.

No one should expect anything, because nothing is authentic, and nothing is truth.

Oh wait, I've suddenly come to my senses. I found the song! And have seen the light. I am no longer a cynic. Well, I'm not a cynic usually, but some would say I'm a weird balance between highly emotional (mam), and a complete and utter cynical bastard (dad). That's what comes of having bizarre parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them! But it's just quite strange, being raised by completely contrasting spectrums of emotionality. God I sound like a wanna-be psychologist.

I should go to sleep.. I have to get up at 8am, as I am apparently going shopping with dad's sister so she can buy me a birthday present. I will have to do all the clothes choosing myself however, as she is unfortunately fashion debilitated. Well, you know what I mean anyway. Night ducks.

it's strange; you evoke strong emotions in people

After serious consideration, I have decided to make a list. Ok that's a bit of a lie, it's not a particularly serious list. It's actually a list of things that I want/need to make my life better. Mainly consisting of clothes..

1. Black/beige trench coat. This is sort of self explanitory. I would just look so amazingly chic in it, there's no denying the immediate chic effect of a trench coat.

2. Pale blue tight jeans. Also medium blue jeans. I saw two women wearing them today, and they looked utterly amazing. Ok, yes, I saw them in the Dulwich homewares shop, and they probably look amazing in everything, but I think my life would improve even if I took a slight amount of inspiration from them.

3. Baggy silk black pants, that go in at the bottom. Ok, not much to say here, mother put these on layby today.. They are brilliant.

4. No phone bill. I would so much prefer to have a working phone right now. I would be so much happier if I could actually reply to abuse. Because I'm getting lots. Hahahah that's a lie. I just want everyone to feel sorry for me.

all you ever wanted was..

So unfortunately, being 18 gives rise to ever more twatish things to do. But, who am I kidding? We all know that I fail miserably at trying to behave. It just doesn't work for me. I went out the past three nights in a row, and seem to have fucked just about everything up for myself. Awesome. I've been up since 8, after 3 hours sleep, and I feel very very shit. Ugh, everything is so crap.

we think you're a joke

Well! The big one-eight tomorrow. Finally! I feel a little bit different already.. older, better.. just better in general really. Apart from my sinuses. They feel like crap.

I spent a delicious day at the beach with all the girls, and we found ourselves skinny dipping only 3 metres from shore. There's absolutely nothing like it!

Am now in a slightly cold bath, watching Gossip Girl. I've been meaning to bring my laptop into the bathroom for ages, and now, on the eve of my 18th I have. That sounded a little bit wrong.

I am looking forward immensely to the all the presents. Selfish, I know. Going out tomorrow night after family dinner. It will be fabulous!

God, I feel amazing. I have a terrible head cold (on the first day of summer. what is the world coming to?!), possible concussion, and a very very very screwed foot. And a re-found (if that's a word), nicotene addiction. Shit.