i hate summer

Rainy night.. if only

In the middle of a weird November heat wave, and the options are not looking favourable. It's either sit in a relatively cool room and revise, or sit in a boiling hot room and revise. Well that isn't really an option I suppose, but I miss the cool weather. I'm definately NOT a summer person. I think the idea of summer appeals to me more than the actual reality of it.. Friends, dusky warm summer evenings, the beach, parties, fun, being relaxed. Sounds nice, but I'd much prefer rainy nights, and hot coffee and smoking in the mist of an autumn evening, or watch the street lights reflect off a wet road. Grey skies, thunderstorms, breezes that bring goosebumps to my skin. Maybe this 39 degree weather is just driving me insane. Coupled with revision and exams I guess it probably could.

I absolutely hate feeling vulnerable. I'm usually the person that manipulates others, boys mainly, but at the moment I have, unfortunately, got myself into the midst of a situation where I am finding it extremely hard to (metaphorically) stay on my feet. Except for I think I may have managed to put things into perspective this morning. Maybe this whole thing is just giving me a tast of my own medicine? I'd like to think I'm not that much of an absolute wanker, but surely what I usually do to people doesn't feel this terrible..? Whoops.