god almighty the decision to be a photographer or a writer is ever one of turmoil and confusion. especially because i can't seem to find a balance - photographs are always aesthetically pleasing (mostly.. I guess), where as loads and loads of black words on a white page have the potential to send people to sleep.. but writing is just so delightfully addictive. the opportunity is there to become somebody else, or be totally yourself, or be naive, or depressive, or sweet, or whoeveryouwantreallyprovideditappealstoyourtargetaudience/siguess.
anyway, who knows what's going on in my brain - mostly nonsense and jumbled thoughts and lots of images. perhaps this will be my rambles and the other my pictures? i like this name better anyway.
we shall see!
b
A fusion of my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and my love of all things creative..
Wednesday, December 14
Tuesday, December 13
recent photogs.
due to me being a slacker and having some sort of extreme creative breakdown, here are a couple of photos from recent activity in my life (although there has been limited amounts of this)
Monday, December 5
birthday, etcetera
Things have been a bit hectic up my way.
New beginnings and all that - promise I'll be good!
Be prepared, the onslaught of photographs is upon us.
X
New beginnings and all that - promise I'll be good!
Be prepared, the onslaught of photographs is upon us.
X
Friday, November 25
ON BEAUTY from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
And a poet said, “Speak to us of Beauty.”
Where shall you seek beauty,
and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide?
And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech?
The aggrieved and the injured say, “Beauty is kind and gentle.
Like a young mother half-shy of her own glory she walks among us.”
And the passionate say, “Nay, beauty is a thing of might and dread.
Like the tempest she shakes the earth beneath us and the sky above us.”
The tired and the weary say, “Beauty is of soft whisperings. She speaks in our spirit.
Her voice yields to our silences like a faint light that quivers in fear of the shadow.”
But the restless say, “We have heard her shouting among the mountains,
And with her cries came the sound of hoofs, and the beating of wings and the roaring of lions.”
At night the watchmen of the city say, “Beauty shall rise with the dawn from the east.”
And at noontide the toilers and the wayfarers say, “We have seen her leaning over the earth from the windows of the sunset.”
In winter say the snow-bound, “She shall come with the spring leaping upon the hills.”
And in the summer heat the reapers say, “We have seen her dancing with the autumn leaves, and we saw a drift of snow in her hair.”
All these things have you said of beauty.
Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,
And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.
It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,
But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.
It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear,
But rather an image you see though you close your eyes
and a song you hear though you shut your ears.
It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw,
But rather a garden forever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight.
People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror.
Monday, October 31
magnetic and poisonous
She sat down at the table with tears in her eyes. He was still standing, looking away from her, as she was looking away from him. The floor suddenly had such intricate details that she felt she could look at it forever. Or at least until he left.
He bent over, and with the gesture of a movie star, bent her chin upwards so she couldn't look away anymore. It felt almost rehearsed, this moment; absurd and awkward. She resisted his touch, and pulled away.
He cleared his throat.
'You know we can't do this anymore.'
It was a statement of fact. She had to agree with him; there was nothing else to say, really.
'Yes.' She whispered this, feeling like she could neither raise her voice or her face for fear of crying out and throwing herself at him. He was magnetic. And poisonous.
'Good.' He turned to leave, and she saw his dirty canvas shoes turn away from her. She was still not looking at his face. The shoes turned back for a moment. She was still looking at the floor.
There was a pause and then an intake of breath, like he wanted to say something more.
But he didn't, and turned and walked away.
It was only when she heard the door close she felt safe to look up once more. Her eyes had dried by now, but there was a fury building in her chest, clogging up her lungs and making it difficult to breathe in. Hard sharp breaths punctured the silence.
Looking outside to the verandah, she saw the light was that strange yellow-green, the beginning-of-spring light, the light that filters through grey clouds on an early Spring afternoon.
She stood, still breathing fast, shaking a little. Walked to the door, and opened it. A chill breeze blew in, and she inhaled, deeply, steadying herself.
Oh, she thought, it's for the best really.
But she knew, deep down, it wasn't over. It was never over.
He bent over, and with the gesture of a movie star, bent her chin upwards so she couldn't look away anymore. It felt almost rehearsed, this moment; absurd and awkward. She resisted his touch, and pulled away.
He cleared his throat.
'You know we can't do this anymore.'
It was a statement of fact. She had to agree with him; there was nothing else to say, really.
'Yes.' She whispered this, feeling like she could neither raise her voice or her face for fear of crying out and throwing herself at him. He was magnetic. And poisonous.
'Good.' He turned to leave, and she saw his dirty canvas shoes turn away from her. She was still not looking at his face. The shoes turned back for a moment. She was still looking at the floor.
There was a pause and then an intake of breath, like he wanted to say something more.
But he didn't, and turned and walked away.
It was only when she heard the door close she felt safe to look up once more. Her eyes had dried by now, but there was a fury building in her chest, clogging up her lungs and making it difficult to breathe in. Hard sharp breaths punctured the silence.
Looking outside to the verandah, she saw the light was that strange yellow-green, the beginning-of-spring light, the light that filters through grey clouds on an early Spring afternoon.
She stood, still breathing fast, shaking a little. Walked to the door, and opened it. A chill breeze blew in, and she inhaled, deeply, steadying herself.
Oh, she thought, it's for the best really.
But she knew, deep down, it wasn't over. It was never over.
Sunday, October 30
short stories (or real life events that i need to whinge about without being too obvious)
it's kinda hard to discern what is ok and what is not ok to write on a blog about other people. i have this dream where i can say everything i think, or write it down, and no one will get angry or upset or hurt because of what i had to say.
wishful thinking on my part, as a lot of the things i think, or want to write down, are both innapropriate and/ or mean.
heard some people speaking about writing memoirs the other day - they spoke about this issue. what is ok and what is not ok when it comes to writing about people in memoirs (or in my case, this).
but seriously, what is ok? is it ok to complain? not really i guess. especially if there is any likelihood of the person reading it.
or vent in general?
what about not saying names?
or pretending it's a short story. i guess i'll do that one.
so, short stories! (aka venting about people in my life who sometimes i really really dislike and / orwant to stab hate with a vengeance.)
wishful thinking on my part, as a lot of the things i think, or want to write down, are both innapropriate and/ or mean.
heard some people speaking about writing memoirs the other day - they spoke about this issue. what is ok and what is not ok when it comes to writing about people in memoirs (or in my case, this).
but seriously, what is ok? is it ok to complain? not really i guess. especially if there is any likelihood of the person reading it.
or vent in general?
what about not saying names?
or pretending it's a short story. i guess i'll do that one.
so, short stories! (aka venting about people in my life who sometimes i really really dislike and / or
Saturday, October 29
fog and the incessant need to do things, suddenly, with wet nailpolish
i find i always discover a thousand things that need doing, right after i've painted my nails. like for example, the washing needs to be put out, or put in the machine, or i need to vaccuum before mum gets home..
which is why i've started painting them right before bed, because surely i (you, one) won't suddenly find heaps of jobs to be done. well, if you agreed with that statement, you'd be
WRONG!
i just found i have 50 bobbypins in my hair which i obviously have to take out for sleeping, also my nose suddenly needs blowing, and my sock is halfway down my foot.
the trials and tribulations of being a female who is obsessed (and i mean freaky-deaky perfectionist OCD type obessed) with perfect painted nails..
ahhh, drove home from the city in knee-deep fog (if you hung from the streetlights); i felt like the whole world was not even there. and any minute i could just drive off the edge of the universe - rather like in pirates of the caribbean. or sinbad.
if anyone has ever driven in thick fog at night before, they will understand.
the lights of your car only take you as far as the beams travel, and you cannot see what is in front of your car until it is quite literally right in front of your car.
which is a bit nerve wracking while driving at 90 kms an hour.
thai food for dinner, the first book of the milennium trilogy is sitting on my bed (must do some more quality reading), and i handed out several (and by several i mean loads) of my resumes this afternoon.
ahhh life is good sometimes.
which is why i've started painting them right before bed, because surely i (you, one) won't suddenly find heaps of jobs to be done. well, if you agreed with that statement, you'd be
WRONG!
i just found i have 50 bobbypins in my hair which i obviously have to take out for sleeping, also my nose suddenly needs blowing, and my sock is halfway down my foot.
the trials and tribulations of being a female who is obsessed (and i mean freaky-deaky perfectionist OCD type obessed) with perfect painted nails..
ahhh, drove home from the city in knee-deep fog (if you hung from the streetlights); i felt like the whole world was not even there. and any minute i could just drive off the edge of the universe - rather like in pirates of the caribbean. or sinbad.
if anyone has ever driven in thick fog at night before, they will understand.
the lights of your car only take you as far as the beams travel, and you cannot see what is in front of your car until it is quite literally right in front of your car.
which is a bit nerve wracking while driving at 90 kms an hour.
thai food for dinner, the first book of the milennium trilogy is sitting on my bed (must do some more quality reading), and i handed out several (and by several i mean loads) of my resumes this afternoon.
ahhh life is good sometimes.
Wednesday, October 26
obsessed
with this.
about to go to work, sitting listening to colplay and the tallest man on earth (weird combination), and reading through all my old posts from 2009. i miss myself.
about to go to work, sitting listening to colplay and the tallest man on earth (weird combination), and reading through all my old posts from 2009. i miss myself.
Monday, October 24
so,
I've been thinking a lot recently. about life, and what kind of person i am.
like, what do other people see when they look at me?
i honestly have no clue.
i'd like to be someone who people look at and think 'she looks lovely'.
i drank cider and watched the tallest man on earth perform yesterday afternoon. the light. oh that light. greeny-yellow, filtering through dark grey clouds. i sat on a shawl wearing my new green dress and mouthed along to his beautiful words.
i'm a bit melancholy at the moment. it's strange, i feel like it's a kind of deep sadness that i can use and take in to make myself a better person.
lost love has also been occupying my thoughts.
what if i never meet someone who connects to me as well as he did? what if i do? will i forget him? what does that make me? was it really as important as i thought at the time? can't i just take the piss out of myself please? that usually makes me feel less lost.
i owe some photos from my recent holiday. i promise they're on their way!
like, what do other people see when they look at me?
i honestly have no clue.
i'd like to be someone who people look at and think 'she looks lovely'.
i drank cider and watched the tallest man on earth perform yesterday afternoon. the light. oh that light. greeny-yellow, filtering through dark grey clouds. i sat on a shawl wearing my new green dress and mouthed along to his beautiful words.
i'm a bit melancholy at the moment. it's strange, i feel like it's a kind of deep sadness that i can use and take in to make myself a better person.
lost love has also been occupying my thoughts.
what if i never meet someone who connects to me as well as he did? what if i do? will i forget him? what does that make me? was it really as important as i thought at the time? can't i just take the piss out of myself please? that usually makes me feel less lost.
i owe some photos from my recent holiday. i promise they're on their way!
Saturday, October 22
Tuesday, October 18
10 jobs
Ten things I think I might want to be when I grow up:
1. A photographer (have my own design studio and a sexy partner in crime)
2. A writer (ditto - except writing studio. perhaps overlooking a park or a little laneway in paris? will work on this)
3. A travel writer (probably an office of some sort - see 6)
4. Psychologist (private practice with other likeminded professionals, interested in the advancement of the research into the human psyche)
5. Circus costume designer/Fashion designer (design studio - see 1)
6. Journalist (work from an office where I have my own little cubicle and cubicle plant, and gorgeous work friends who I go on lunch break with everyday and gossip about things {but not boring things}, interesting ideas and things)
7. Vintage shop owner/importer of fabulous things (with maman. pretty little shop with big windows and amazing colour schemes)
8. Teacher (boring but safe. to inject some excitement, overseas deployment - english teacher at a foreign language school?)
9. Rich man's kept wife (not in a gross and un-feminist way, something like that book 'Lazy Ways to Make a Living'? also, I could have lots of hobbies, and even jobs! but i would work from home. of course. include 1-10 as ideas for these hobbies/jobs)
10. Full time blogger (would need some serious advertising to keep me going. also need some sort of creative, motivational drug to inspire me to actually be bothered to post everyday. hmm. this could work alongside 1, 2, 5, 7 - the only real options anyway).
What do we think?
I need something where I can work from home/a wee design studio and somewhere where if possible I can go outside and soak up the sunshine (if there is any), otherwise it'll be raining most days so I can stare out the window and be inspired by that. I'm always more inspired when it's raining anyway
1. A photographer (have my own design studio and a sexy partner in crime)
2. A writer (ditto - except writing studio. perhaps overlooking a park or a little laneway in paris? will work on this)
3. A travel writer (probably an office of some sort - see 6)
4. Psychologist (private practice with other likeminded professionals, interested in the advancement of the research into the human psyche)
5. Circus costume designer/Fashion designer (design studio - see 1)
6. Journalist (work from an office where I have my own little cubicle and cubicle plant, and gorgeous work friends who I go on lunch break with everyday and gossip about things {but not boring things}, interesting ideas and things)
7. Vintage shop owner/importer of fabulous things (with maman. pretty little shop with big windows and amazing colour schemes)
8. Teacher (boring but safe. to inject some excitement, overseas deployment - english teacher at a foreign language school?)
9. Rich man's kept wife (not in a gross and un-feminist way, something like that book 'Lazy Ways to Make a Living'? also, I could have lots of hobbies, and even jobs! but i would work from home. of course. include 1-10 as ideas for these hobbies/jobs)
10. Full time blogger (would need some serious advertising to keep me going. also need some sort of creative, motivational drug to inspire me to actually be bothered to post everyday. hmm. this could work alongside 1, 2, 5, 7 - the only real options anyway).
What do we think?
I need something where I can work from home/a wee design studio and somewhere where if possible I can go outside and soak up the sunshine (if there is any), otherwise it'll be raining most days so I can stare out the window and be inspired by that. I'm always more inspired when it's raining anyway
Monday, October 17
wanderlust part 1
Coming back from holiday is hard work!
But am sitting comfortably at my laptop with freshly painted nails, a cup of peach tea and Bob Dylan is on in the background (on vinyl, thankyouverymuch. scratchy mmm).
A previous beau of mine looked a wee bit like Bob Dylan.
Deluded? Yes.
Anyway, back to Melbourne. It was incredible! I am convinced it is the city for me. Considering I haven't been to gay Paree or London on New York, in which case I'm sure they'd be the cities for me. But I'm sticking with Melbourne for now.
Had a moment of hair inspiration (due to all the pretty girls with them..) while walking down High St, and decided to cut my fringe again. I regretted it immediately afterwards. It took soooooo long to grow it out to my earlobes. But here I am, again with a fringe. It is without a doubt, me. It is my trademark, if you will.
So, I spent a beautiful 10 days with Mama-Duck interstate. First two nights, spa country. Mum hit a magpie. Not important. We (well I did) got sloshed in front of a fire at a little wine bar/restaurant. The waiter was a cutie-pie.
Stayed for the rest of the time with relations - my aunt, uncle, cousin and 2 baby cousins. Adorabubble! Full on. But weirdly made me a bit clucky. Ew, no I don't mean that.
Found incredible restaurants, coffee places, flowers were everywhere, bought lovely things, saw a mantlepiece with 12 polish teapots in the colours of the rainbow. Ate amazing tapas type food. Relaxed, de-stressed.
Here are some pictures!
But am sitting comfortably at my laptop with freshly painted nails, a cup of peach tea and Bob Dylan is on in the background (on vinyl, thankyouverymuch. scratchy mmm).
A previous beau of mine looked a wee bit like Bob Dylan.
Deluded? Yes.
Anyway, back to Melbourne. It was incredible! I am convinced it is the city for me. Considering I haven't been to gay Paree or London on New York, in which case I'm sure they'd be the cities for me. But I'm sticking with Melbourne for now.
Had a moment of hair inspiration (due to all the pretty girls with them..) while walking down High St, and decided to cut my fringe again. I regretted it immediately afterwards. It took soooooo long to grow it out to my earlobes. But here I am, again with a fringe. It is without a doubt, me. It is my trademark, if you will.
So, I spent a beautiful 10 days with Mama-Duck interstate. First two nights, spa country. Mum hit a magpie. Not important. We (well I did) got sloshed in front of a fire at a little wine bar/restaurant. The waiter was a cutie-pie.
Stayed for the rest of the time with relations - my aunt, uncle, cousin and 2 baby cousins. Adorabubble! Full on. But weirdly made me a bit clucky. Ew, no I don't mean that.
Found incredible restaurants, coffee places, flowers were everywhere, bought lovely things, saw a mantlepiece with 12 polish teapots in the colours of the rainbow. Ate amazing tapas type food. Relaxed, de-stressed.
Here are some pictures!
Saturday, October 8
Wednesday, October 5
Sunday, October 2
daylight savings and a trip to melbourne
This daylight savings thing is such a larrrf! Kidding, it messes with my body clock and I feel like a lazy shit because I thought I'd slept in till 12 today but really it was only 10, 9 in old time. And my stupid bloody iPhone had changed the time forward not once, but twice. Yes that's right kiddies.
Anywho, enough of that, my dear Mother-Duck and I are heading off to our favourite city later this week. Well, technically in 2 days! I've been hanging out for a holiday since my last one, and can't wait for it because I have definitely had enough of this place. For the moment at least!
Here are some photographios of last time Mum took a holiday to Melb. I unfortunately was not present, but I will be this time!
Anywho, enough of that, my dear Mother-Duck and I are heading off to our favourite city later this week. Well, technically in 2 days! I've been hanging out for a holiday since my last one, and can't wait for it because I have definitely had enough of this place. For the moment at least!
Here are some photographios of last time Mum took a holiday to Melb. I unfortunately was not present, but I will be this time!
coldplay
I stand alone atop Violet Hill, gazing at the sunset towards the horizon, the sunset glowing its brilliant Yellow glow, A Whisper swaying in the wind, guiding my mind back from the beginning, to the end. What If time seized to exist, Clocks never to persist, only White Shadows moving at the Speed of Sound. I wonder if The Hardest Part is really just Twisted Logic, reality Swallowed In The Sea. I think and ponder over the Trouble in life, but realize in the end, that Everything's Not Lost.- Some guy on YouTube
Witty banter
Washing occasion on a Sunday morning. Surprisingly it took two people to even carry the basket up to the washing line. I think there were about 3 loads in there.
Friday, September 23
10 things you probably don't know about me
1. Sometimes I eat flavoured crackers for breakfast.
2. Last night I spent a good 15 minutes trying to get my dog to sneeze by sticking one of his own whiskers up his nose. That sounds a lot worse than it was..
3. I need at least 3.5 coffees in the morning to be able to function. Otherwise I do really stupid stuff such as look blankly at people who've just spoken to me and then say about 500 minutes later 'hang on, sorry, what?'. Especially embarrassing if it's a babe customer. This may or may not have happened to me two days ago.
4. I am obsessed with nailpolish and lipstick. I am a hoarder when it comes to these things. I have about 7 lipstick tubes of the same exact red colour but different brands. Also I recently stockpiled my nailpolish collection and it contains about 50 little bottles of varying colours most of which I don't actually wear - I have a rotating colour system which goes: aubergine, red, pink, nude and thats about it. Also, if you work the bottles out to be about $8 each.. well thats a lot. About $400 if you were wondering.
5. My future rides on me choosing one of the three things that I love more than most things to do. (I am good at these things - I think). They are music, writing, and people. My dream is to combine them. I might chuck photography and fashion in there if I'm being a bit modest.
6. Sometimes I don't do things just so I can spend time with my dog. Well I've never actually done this, but it has crossed my mind a number of times.
7. I have, among several other addictions, a serious problem with online shopping. And, kinda just shopping in general. You may think I'm joking. I'm really not.
8. I have a dream. And that is to open a wee vintage and new homewares shop with my Mama. Although, you probably already knew this due to me blabbering on about it often.
9. I won a national songwriting competition once. I was 11 but still. I got a guitar and a thousand clams.
10. My minds gone blank. I promise you I do actually have more than 9 things that make me up as a person. Oh wait I havent showered yet.
2. Last night I spent a good 15 minutes trying to get my dog to sneeze by sticking one of his own whiskers up his nose. That sounds a lot worse than it was..
3. I need at least 3.5 coffees in the morning to be able to function. Otherwise I do really stupid stuff such as look blankly at people who've just spoken to me and then say about 500 minutes later 'hang on, sorry, what?'. Especially embarrassing if it's a babe customer. This may or may not have happened to me two days ago.
4. I am obsessed with nailpolish and lipstick. I am a hoarder when it comes to these things. I have about 7 lipstick tubes of the same exact red colour but different brands. Also I recently stockpiled my nailpolish collection and it contains about 50 little bottles of varying colours most of which I don't actually wear - I have a rotating colour system which goes: aubergine, red, pink, nude and thats about it. Also, if you work the bottles out to be about $8 each.. well thats a lot. About $400 if you were wondering.
5. My future rides on me choosing one of the three things that I love more than most things to do. (I am good at these things - I think). They are music, writing, and people. My dream is to combine them. I might chuck photography and fashion in there if I'm being a bit modest.
6. Sometimes I don't do things just so I can spend time with my dog. Well I've never actually done this, but it has crossed my mind a number of times.
7. I have, among several other addictions, a serious problem with online shopping. And, kinda just shopping in general. You may think I'm joking. I'm really not.
8. I have a dream. And that is to open a wee vintage and new homewares shop with my Mama. Although, you probably already knew this due to me blabbering on about it often.
9. I won a national songwriting competition once. I was 11 but still. I got a guitar and a thousand clams.
10. My minds gone blank. I promise you I do actually have more than 9 things that make me up as a person. Oh wait I havent showered yet.
Monday, September 19
my weekend
On Saturday Mum and I journeyed a fair way from home, up into wine country, for a local farmers market they have up there. Here are some pictures!
After about 1 and a half hours of driving, we reached the farmers market where we bought some lovely fresh fruit and vegetables. The only downside was the wind - whipping up huge clouds of pollen and dust from the surrounding vinyards and crops. I am a sufferer of horrendous hayfever so I'm so glad I remembered to take a hayfever tablet before leaving!
Afterwards, we strolled into the centre of town, where we found lots of amazing vintage and homeware shops. A couple of them were brilliant and inspired us no end but I couldn't take pictures inside, sadly.
On the walk into town we passed an incredible building, the old Masonic Hall. It was for sale and we desperately want to buy it and start our little vintage business inside! Unlikely, but here's to hoping!
After looking through some more vintage and antique shops we decided to stop for a coffee at a little cafe in the next town, called Nosh, with incredible old shelving framed by wallpaper and little knick-knacks the owners had been collecting.
We took the long way home, and passed incredible scenery and a strange electronic woman (a scarecrow perhaps?), who Mum insisted deserved a photo!
A beautiful, inspiring, tiring day. I want to go back there!
Afterwards, we strolled into the centre of town, where we found lots of amazing vintage and homeware shops. A couple of them were brilliant and inspired us no end but I couldn't take pictures inside, sadly.
On the walk into town we passed an incredible building, the old Masonic Hall. It was for sale and we desperately want to buy it and start our little vintage business inside! Unlikely, but here's to hoping!
After looking through some more vintage and antique shops we decided to stop for a coffee at a little cafe in the next town, called Nosh, with incredible old shelving framed by wallpaper and little knick-knacks the owners had been collecting.
We took the long way home, and passed incredible scenery and a strange electronic woman (a scarecrow perhaps?), who Mum insisted deserved a photo!
A beautiful, inspiring, tiring day. I want to go back there!
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