chain-smoking?

try chain tea drinking! i'm on my 4th cup of the day so far

is this what you call summer?

I think I'm a flounderer. In most of my day to day life I actually have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going, or just an idea of anything at all. I feel like I'm falling a lot of the time too, like at any moment all the stress and bad things that have been happening will just cave in on top of me and I'll be like Atlas, holding the sky on his shoulders. Except of course, I'm a girl and instead of standing upright and holding it above his head, I'll fall to the ground and the sky will crush me.

Weird change of weather since yesterday, it was 32 and hot, hot, HOT! Today it's at most 25 and humid and drizzly.

Can't complain though, I like this kind of weather, it's like the sky can't make up its mind. Much like me.

hungover sunday 24th Oct

The white sky seems to curve around the earth like a blanket, the scent in the air is of nothing much. And I walk.

grey skies

For some reason, on days like these I feel like I'm not myself. Like I don't recognise the girl who looks back at me in the mirror. Who is she? What do people think of her? Does anyone understand how she feels?

.

It's raining outside, and this is what I feel like, like I'm forever on the edge of a very tall building, wind pushing and pulling me, closer to the edge, then further away, until I'm so dizzy I either sit down or fall.

need him more

i need all of this

blue violets, outside my window

Or at least I think they're violets..?
Here's some inspiration.




Booked in my tattoo for a couple of days time. Excited!

decision maaaade

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? No
Where were you last night? At home, doing as little as possible
What is today's date? The 7th
Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? Hopefully no one, I hate that.
When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? Yep, miss independent, thats me!
Anyone crushing on you? Apart from my cat, no.
What is your relationship status? Single, ready to mingle!
Has anyone ever sang to you? My ipod. Does that count?
Has anyone ever given you roses? Noope
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? I think I'd try my hardest to, I suppose I have been known to watch Bear Grylls a fair bit.
Who do you text the most? My friends.?
How do you make your money? I sell my .. body. Actually I sell coffee.
First person to text today? A certain favourite of mine.
What is your favorite color? Red, red, RED!
What color are your eyes? Green, green, green!
What is a compliment you receive often? That I have nice eyes.
How tall are you? Not tall enough.
Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? My brother, only ten minutes ago.
Do you secretly like someone? Well if I do, it's a secret even from myself.
Why did your last relationship end? Because I didn't want it to.
Where is the furthest place you've traveled? 13 hours flying, from my home.
Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Sleep, by far!
How long does it take you to shower? Slightly more than is acceptable in the current climate.
Are you flexible? Quite. I think.
What did you do on New Years Eve? Friend's house, had a bit of a dramatic night. NYE is always terrible.
Can you speak any other language than English? Apart from 1-10 in a couple, and the word 'love' in several, no.
What is the last letter of your middle name? Y
How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Only 5 or so I think, I'm a terrible sleeper.
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Always.
Are you scared of flying? Not scared, nervous perhaps.
What do you sleep in? PJ pants and a t-shirt.
Who was the last person you kissed? A boy.
Do you like funny people or serious people? People who can be both serious and funny. If you're only one, I think that's limited.
What are you listening to? City and Colour, but it's on shuffle and Dashboard Confessional just came on.
What jewellery do you wear all the time? My thumb ring, and my sleeper that's in the top of my ear. I also usually wear a necklace and earrings.
What do you have planned for tonight? Nothing, going to bed early, early, early!
Is the last person you kissed older than you? Younger than me actually. Cougarrrrr.
Do you have a favorite item of clothing? Yes, my collection of blazers probably.
Last thing you ate? Green beans..
What was last thing you drank? Some stale water that was next to my bed.
Are you happy right now? Vaguely, I suppose I would be.
If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Can't actually think of anything. Perhaps a walk in wardrobe, or a clean room.
What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping.
Are you left handed? No, but I hear left-handed men are better in bed. I swear I wouldn't know personally..
What was for dinner tonight? Salaad!
What is the last thing you thought about? God I don't know, it's hard enough being myself, let alone trying to explain my thought processes!

nothing else to write about, so here's this - not very interesting, sorry

name: bellaaaa
age: older than i look
city: i'd like another
occupation: dreamer/coffee girl
what is your current state of mind? dry and bored
what is your greatest extravagance? ugh, shoes
what is your greatest fear? spiders or probably being forgotten
what is the trait you most deplore in others? boringness
what do you consider the most overrated virtue? money - it's a virtue, believe me. still overrated however.
if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? the length of my hair. it's quite long but not long enough
what is the quality you most like in a man? not many
what is the quality you most like in a woman? maturity - the ability to put aside pettyness and bitchhing and grow up!
which words of phrases do you most overuse? seriously?
which talent would you most like to have? the ability to not have stage fright, and sing my heart out in front of people.
what or who is the greatest love of your life? hopefully still to come
where would you like to live? where wouldn't i like to live! siberia actually, that seems a bleak place. paris would be nice.
what is your favourite occupation? writing, dancing, singing, laughing
what is your most treasured possession? my friends and family
who are your favourite writers? so many!
who is your favourite hero of fiction? hard to say. harry potter. i still haven't given up the hope he's actually real though.
who are your heroes in real life? everyone who was the traits i admire - loyalty, honesty, ability to laugh and take the piss of themselves. serious people are boring.
what do you most value in your friends? loyalty
what is your most marked characteristic? strong headed
how would you like to die? i wouldn't, but if i was able to choose, probably a way that wouldn't hurt - too much - and surrounded by my loved ones
what is your motto? nothing matters, except life, and the love you make

early spring

I'm sitting outside in the warm Spring air - 18 degrees at the moment, not as warm as it's meant to be at this time of year, but still a pleasant change from the freezing cold mornings I'm used to.

The puppy is chewing a stick, and I just ordered an iPhone 4.
So all is well in the world, really.

Spontaneity

Had a lovely spontaneous night last night; worked my last shift, finished at 7 and turned on my phone to about 40 messages telling me I was being picked up from home at 8, and that we were going out. Which was lovely, as I've been getting really sick of being such a granny lately. The girls and I hardly ever go out anymore. So it was a cold and relatively uneventful night - just the way I like it! Unfortunately, B and I got home at 5am, after catching the freezing cold 3.45 bus, which put a slight dampener on the evening.

Listening to Bon Iver's cover of 'Come Talk To Me', which, although I've never heard the original, is probably better than Peter Gabriel's version.

X

tamping

Contrary to my last post, I had also applied at a local coffee shop, and had my trial and interview today! Learnt how to tamp (the coffee), and have been called in next Tuesday, to get a shirt and I have to bring bank details. Does that mean I have the job..?

bookworm

I've applied for a job at my local bookshop!

Yep, it's still raining..

the blossoms are finally coming out on the plum trees!

It's still raining, as it has been for the last 3 hours (at least). The puppy's chewing everything he can get his teeth into, including my bare feet, as I couldn't find any socks this morning. I've run out of make-up as well, the only one that I've ever managed to find to suit my skin tone! So I must remember to buy some more tomorrow.

I'm listening to my 'european chillout' playlist. Yes I know, it's a bit embarrassing but whatever, it's the perfect music to listen to when the rain hasn't let up outside for more than 3 hours, and there's nothing to do. On that note however, my brother has to be picked up from school in about 15 minutes, so I'm going to have to make a dash through the flood that is our garden, the river that is our driveway, and into my car, which I'm pretty sure won't start it'll be so waterlogged! Anyway, enough of the negativity.

I might continue into the barony of shoppingdom to see if I can find Father Bear a present for Sunday, which is Father's Day. He asked for a scarf, as he lost the amazing blue one Mum and I got him in Laos. Pity. I'll see what I can do.

Well, the river that is my garden calls, so I best answer. Bisous xx

puuuuuuup!

I'm sitting at the dining room table, drinking luke-warm coffee and downloading music. The sky is bright blue outside; it looks like spring is coming, finally. Meanwhile, it's been ages since I've written! I was woken up this morning by the puppy biting my face.

storm

It's one of my best friends' birthday this weekend coming, and I've bought an amazing pair of pants to wear with my new suede ankle boot-wedges! Meanwhile, I think I need a new blazer and top to go along with my outfit planned. All my girlfriends are planning on wearing dresses to go out, but I thought it was time for a change, so I'm wearing baggy high-waisted pants instead!

I want my hair to look like this:



So I'll be practising my fishtail plaits!

Meanwhile, there's a huge storm going on outside my house, and the fire needs more wood on it. But the wood's down at the driveway. And it's pelting down with rain, and is practically pitch-black outside.. But it's getting freezing! Looks like I'm venturing outside :(
X

mmmmmmmmm

Aha! Possibly the best day of my life. Slight exaggeration? Probably. I got my credit card today. Yes, I know, what a terrible idea. And it truly is. But recently, I've found myself not spending so much useless money on useless things. Essentials yes, but not clothes I don't need, or anything else. Actually I only buy clothes. Still.

Anyway, tonight will be filled with laughs and and the general frisson of excitement us girls get when we spend time together, as it doesn't happen as often as we'd like it to.

Back to the spending useless money, I desperately need a new pair of heels. I'm ashamed to admit, I only own a couple of pairs of heels that I actually wear. Actually that's not even that bad, but still, I'd love to own an amazing pair - like these insane ones from Acne I spotted in a store on Unley Road. Yeah I know they'll probably be about $4000 but whatever.

On that note, I'm off to get ready. Bisous

new start?

Well well well! A new start is what I need (probably). Deciding what I want to do with my life (although not yet in process), has begun whirling around inside my brain - and let me tell you! The result is definately not pretty. Actually, a lot of what is inside my brain is the result of years (ok, maybe not years) of coffee and jumbled thoughts and emotions. So, obviously quite ordered. Anyway, the point of my deciding was, that I really need to get off my bum and get moving! As there's no time to waste! Well, there's probably a lot of time to waste, but as I seem to have wasted a lot of it already (in the last 4 months or so), I think I've probably used up my quota of time-waste-abilty for this year at least.

So, in my extensive thinking about the subject, I have come across the idea of being a (street-style) photographer. Obviously doesn't seem like a particularly well-paid or sought-after profession, but as I love photography, I could at the very least be one in my spare time? Aha! What's the point I hear you asking. Well, there probably isn't one - but at least a girl can dream, right?

So, be prepared for the onslaught of photographs of everything from my hands to the food I've eaten, to the coffee I'm drinking. I obviously haven't worked my way up to asking people to pose for me yet. And also, one of the most obvious reasons, the city I live in is (almost) completely devoid of style. Now, the quest to find the perfect camera, city, and life! Off I go. Reporting back asap.

Bisous

i'll lift you up

I haven't left the house for three days. And by left the house, I mean I actually haven't stepped outside. Which is a horrible occurance really, as I usually do. Leave the house. My life has taken on a monotony that I never hoped for. Actually that's a bit of an exaggeration. I am sick, so it's inevitable really, that I should be staying indoors to get better. I have, however, watched 3 episodes of Doctor Who (back to back), St Trinian's, and am now about to watch Sherlock Holmes. What a life.

the future is now

Where is your mobile phone? on charge

Where is your significant other? non, merci

Your hair colour? dark brown at the ends, light brown regrowth (ew) but you can't really tell

Your mother? maman

Your father? papa

Your favourite thing? inspiration

Your dream last night? about mist? i cant really remember

Your dream goal? get my nose pierced and go overseas

The room you're in? tidily messy

Your hobby? reading

Your fear? giant hairy spiders

Where do you want to be in 6 years? paris

Where were you last night? who knows. at home, with mum, watching tv!

What you're not? content, i'm never content

One of your wish-list items? new boots

Where you grew up? here

The last thing you did? drank hot cordial

What are you wearing? pjs

Your TV? no

Your pets? beautiful, my love

Your computer? obsession

Your mood? sick

Missing someone? yes

Your car? amazing

Something you're not wearing? nailpolish

Favourite shop? lots

Your summer? wonderful

Love someone? yes! always!

Your favourite colour? all

When is the last time you laughed? today

When is the last time you cried? before

seeing as i have nothing else to write about, i'll just fill in another one of these!

Mood: bored. insanely bored! i'm going out. i dunno where to though
Hairdo: just washed so it's kinda crazy
Make-up: none!
Wearing: jumper, massive socks hahah
Watching: nothing
Addicted to: chai
Eating: nein
Drinking: currently nothing, but if i hadn't run out of chai, that.
Favorite spot: well right now it'd probably be somewhere other than here, but i don't know where. i'm going out somewhere
Daily reads: nooo but i've read about 4356 books in the past week..?
Plans: no plans! apart from driving aimlessly down to the city
Question for you: blaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Question for me: do i really want to spend my whole life dreaming? seeing as i still haven't figured this one out. it sounds kinda nice actually.. though a bit boring

first update in forever!!

Mood: hungover but i still want to go out again..?
Hairdo: messy side bun
Make-up: black eye makeup
Wearing: stripy top red cardigan, leggings
Watching: nothing. however i'd sit and watch my coloured cigarettes if i had time, they're so pretty
Addicted to: a sad song
Eating: noothing
Drinking: evian and chai lattes
Favorite spot: my room, if it wasn't so messy. and also a cafe on a busy street, just watching people, with a lovely latte and cigarette (coloured!!)
Daily reads: don't have any - am currently reading stieg larsson's 'The Girl Who Played With Fire' - finished reading the first book in the trilogy the other day and went straight out and bought the next. amazing!
Plans: tomorrow i'm modelling for one of my friends - yeah i don't know how i managed that either haha
Question for you: what makes you nostalgic?
Question for me: do i really want to spend my whole life dreaming?

all these small people, they come and they go

I've been terribly busy with uni work recently, and haven't really got much to update.. apart from I'm quite sick, and have been at home for the past week.
I've mainly just been updating my tumblr blog, so go HERE!!! if you want to.
Other than that, I'll try and make something exciting happen soon (haha doubt it will), and write about it. Otherwise, I'll try and remember to ramble like I do. X

something i found...

"Vodka is a very deceptive drink, because you drink it and you say, “Why are we drinking this? This is nothing, it has no smell, no taste! Why are we—Why are we on a traffic island?"

xx

Ahhhhh! Been distracted lately, I promise I'll find time to write!

ellie goulding

IS AMAZING! I only just realised that she'd actually released her debut album already! So I got allll of it and I've never felt this way about anything in my life before! Apart from that Sportsgirl leather jacket that I have to buy...

COCK BUM ARSE

Worst day of my life! I'm going to MAKE everything get better though. Not going to dwell on shit things! MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE is my new motto :D

x

Am currently bidding on a Nikon SLR camera on ebay. I don't actually have a paypal account. Or a credit card. I'm not sure how I'll pay for it if I manage to score it.. But I desperately want a good camera!

My mum recently was given an Olympus, and the only one who's been using it so far is my 11 year old brother. He managed to take a surprisingly arty photo of me the other day.. and you can't really even tell it's me - but I'm wearing my staple stripy t-shirt, and you can vaguely see my fringe, so that might make it a tad obvious. I also took an adorable picture of my cat, on the one occasion I've used it so far.

Unfortunately, my computer is being a bit crap so I'll try to put the photos up another time!

daniel - bat for lashes

I've recently discovered that I could spend hours at a time reading people's blogs - whether for the pretty pictures, wonderful writing, or just the plain good fashion sense.

When I first started discovering the fashion blogs that so many people do, I though well I may as well try that, but previously this blog has only been whingeing about my not so terrible life.

I would like to report that I am healthy, have never had surgery, no diseases, my family is quite middle-class, albeit divorced parents, and I have never experienced any particularly unfortunate events in my life. So yes, nothing is all that bad - although I am the first to admit to a fairly melodramatic mother, a slightly neurotic group of friends, extended family prone to over-exaggeration, and a recovered alcoholic uncle. But is that really news for a middle-class Australian family? I think not boys and girls, I think not.

I'm going to Uni this year (next week is O-week), I have friends who are going to the same Uni as me, which means we can car pool, and maybe I'll do half my degree and decide to go travelling and defer, or maybe I'll do one year and transfer into something that better suits me, but nothing is all that complicated, and I'm just going to go with the flow. And although it's fairly hot today, we're expecting thunderstorms tomorrow, and a cool change, which will suit me perfectly and I'll probably perk up even more. I swear I get seasonal depression in summer.

And I'm going to get a new job and save, save, save!, for a proper camera, as I love taking photos, but I've only had average digital cameras up til now. And besides, I'm going to follow my dream of having a fashion blog! Haha!

Anyway, the point of this was not to advertise my amazing life (ha, what a joke, it's actually pretty boring and normal), but to say that I'm going to reinvent this a bit, and vaguely start a-new. And also to advertise the amazing fashion blogs that have been taking up a great deal of my life at the moment (I've had nothing else to do, don't blame me for looking at pretty clothes all day long!)

Le Blog de Betty - This one because she's actually my idol and inspiration and I kinda just want her hair. And her wardrobe obviously, but just mainly her hair. I also think she looks a bit like Natasha Khan. Maybe?

The cherry blossom girl - Likewise on the hair front. I have MAJOR hair envy for both of these girls. I don't know, I just have this thing about pretty brown, fringed hair.

WishWishWish - Also hair envy, but mainly fashion envy. I love her cute slightly school-girl type look going on. I must admit, my own style is more edgy, but this girl reminds me of Blair Waldorf, who I've often been told I look like.

Cachemire & Soie - This one because there are such pretty pictures!

Ok that's pretty much my rant for the day, I'll try to find a workable camera and start putting some photos up. That's all for today! x

!!

Harumph. I've got my weekly cabaret collaboration in about 10 minutes at the town hall, with supposedly like-minded people. The only experience I've had so far is of a boy who stares a lot, and a girl who looks like a possum. Ok, maybe I'm being judgemental? Who knows.

What I do know however, is the amazing purchases of a pair of Django + Juliette shoes (flat, black, patent, laceup, you imagine the rest) and a long black dress that was 80% off! I'll take pictures, they're both definately worth seeing

Meanwhile, I'll be attempting cabaret - with all those lovely like-minded people. More when I get back!!

sleep alone - bat for lashes = looooooooove

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK AHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA I just watched the new unseen skins and I swear I've never seen anything funnier! "I'm going to fly you into the sun as punishment!"
Fringe time! I'm buying new amazing shoes tomorrow. And hopefully getting my car fixed. And I'm cutting my hair shorter and dying it dark red before uni. And I'm going to stop drinking. I'm going to be a new, better version of myself this year! I'm feeling really quite motivated. Yep, off to sleep now!
(More detailed description of the new me as soon as I can be bothered ie. in the next few weeks. Just because I enjoy talking about myself so much.)

"How much do webcams cost?"

I'm having an ugly day. A shit day. This weather is making me feel like I might need to shoot everyone in sight. If I had a gun that is. I hate hot weather. As I've mentioned several (SEVERAL) times before. I actually hate it. With a passion. I want stockings. Pretty patterned ones. And lace up boots. And hot soup. Not shorts and sandals and salad. I'm one of those people that needs comfort weather. Which is cold rainy, grey weather. Not this horrible 38 degree burning sun - you have to be at the beach else you'll feel like shit all day - weather. And I can't get fucking comfortable. I'm sitting in the lounge room - the only room in our house that has air-conditioning - on the couch, leaning half sideways onto a pile of cushions because I actually can't find any other way to type and sit at the same time.

And I'm looking at all the pretty people on lookbook and pretty much every single one of them is from the Northern Hemisphere, experiencing refreshing winter. I BLOODY HATE AUSTRALIA. And now our takeaway dinner is fucked. They screwed it up again. Well it is noodle box.

2 coffees down

I'm actually obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. It's amazing. That is the extent of my life..
Trying to stop drinking so much coffee. I've only had 2 today. And I've already eaten 2 bowls of pasta and a mediterranean pizza today. This is disgusting. However, I'm fully planning on going for a run tonight to lose some of those carbs. Ew.

jeremiah?

Big Day Out tomorrow - finally! I feel like I should be getting an early night. Well that won't be happening. I only have $4.09 in my bank too. Hope mam lends me some money. Got bought a car today. I'm taking names..

oh i wonder

I had an AMAZING night last night. House party - you know the deal. Met pretty pretty new people, and stayed up till the early hours of the morning. 6.30 to be exact. The only problem is that hangover + little sleep = depression/melancholy. Listening to Speaking A Dead Language by Joy Williams. It's suiting this mood.
"Oh I wonder, when did it all stop making sense? I don't understand.. I remember, we were so sure, so innocent. Oh, but that was then.."
Think I'll go for a run. It's still summer, and still light, even this late.
Love + ache. XXXXX

magick

I definately have lost the inspiration to blog about anything anyway. I'm sure as soon as I go to uni (which I am this year, I accepted my first offer today!), I'll have thousands of things to say - mostly about the people I meet there. By meet, I mainly mean see. Due to the sad, sad loss of my people skills, I highly doubt any friendships will be made in the first while. I'll just watch people.

That sounded a bit creepy...

you can say what you mean, but it won't change a thing

Cute, non?

My cat walks around like a proud peacock, tufting his tail up, and following prospective mates (by mates I mean friends - my cat is so outgoing it's kind of ridiculous), willing to make friends with the strangest things/people. For example, he has developed this strange sort of companionship with the tiny jack russell that lives next door.

Whereas I seem to be misplacing my social skills, every day I lose them more and more. It's refreshing. That was such a lie. I think I've lost my mojo....

i'm sorry, sorry

Went to the gym today for the first time in a LONG time. This year is going to be my getting fit year! Unfortunately, my shitty back has fucked up again, this time with a pinched nerve. Which means I can't really move. So I'm holed up in bed. Watching 'being human'. Weird choice with a pinched nerve.
On a happier note, Skins is coming back Jan 28th. Bloody can't wait! I'm in love with Effy.

T for 2

Yuck, cold tea. My door's open and a cool breeze is blowing into my room. A nice change from the disgusting heat that we've had to deal with for the past few weeks or so. Definately a cold weather person. Yesterday morning I opened my door at about 7.30 and went back to bed, with the cool breeze and rain drops blowing in through the door. Beautiful.
Accupuncture appointment today, and then B and I are going to town to have one of our torrens days, which we haven't done since about 2 years ago. Paddle boats and tea.. there's nothing like it!

2:07am awake and shit

It's strange, when I was at school, and chose to procrastinate by writing in this, my blog, I seemed to have so much stuff to write about. Or at least I thought I had things to write about - in honesty it was probably all complaints about my mundane existence, and my shit school attempts, and everything in between (which, I'm guessing was not much).

Now, when I (kind of) have a life, see friends everyday in a SOCIAL setting, and not because we were made to sit down and put up with each other in a classroom, I find I have so much less to write about, even though I have so much more. Besides, I'm usually off doing something else at 2 in the morning, which was when I was writing about stuff in my schooling months. Obviously am not doing anything now (apart from this, and being slightly mental), but I definately will be during the next few nights. Which, incidentally are Friday and Saturday.

Yet, even with almost 2 months without school, I'm still the world's best procrastinator! It has taken me exactly 20 minutes to write that... ^ ^ and as I seriously can't be bothered to continue that little rant about the inner-workings of my brain (but it's really not), and due to the amount of brain cells I've lost to very excessive substance abuse recently (take note kids, don't do drugs) (or in my case, drink excessive amounts of booze), I desperately need a sleep. Bon nuit - until the next time I can be bothered to write (or the next time I'm home at 2am on a friday morning.. which is not often. LOVE! X